** A different note to the readers of my blog, this post doesn’t have my usual cheeriness, but after reading it I hope you can understand why.
Yeah, to begin this off stop dying on me family and friends. My death quota for the year it’s full – one person every blue moon that’s it. Not almost two people within a few days of each other, it doesn’t work that way.
For all of you wondering what that’s – this – is all about; my friend Amelia (who suffered from epilepsy) had a seizure in her sleep that she never woke up from. It was really hard to deal with because she wasn’t that much older than me and I found myself at a lose. That’s what everyone kept saying to. “I’m sorry for your lose” or “I’m sorry for the families lose.” That’s not right, I mean sure they lost a family member or a really good friend, but what about Amelia why does no one ever apologize for her lose, I mean she’s never going to grow any older, never going to get married, or have kids. She was just barely an adult, had hardly enough time to live but at the same time had lived her whole life already. For the religious people in my life they just kept repeating “well god has a plan” or “it was her time.” but it’s never a time for a 19-year-old girl to die. She was just getting out there – making a change in the world.
This post is just a distraction, but I guess that’s what I’m doing – what Idid really; keeping myself busy, never slowing down long enough to actually think , trying to remain myself for the sake of appearance. I’m pretty good at that, but the day after Amelia’s funeral I came home to find my mum was gone – where I didn’t know. So I texted her like any mum loving teen who got home late and just wants dinner would do. She was in Owen sound, my Great Gran had been rushed to the hospital during the night, she had a chest infection and earlier that morning had a silent heart attack. My world came crashing down around me at this point.
With Amelia’s death, keeping up with school work, talking with my friend’s and preparing for the musical I found that I just couldn’t deal with anything else on top of that, so hearing that my Great Gran might be going to join a couple of my close friend’s was no the best thing to hear that night. Now many of my friend’s noticed that I wasn’t at school yesterday, I know my Footloose cast members sure did. And that’s because I took what is now being refered to as my “Personal day.” I didn’t stay home and do homework like I promised my dad I would do. Instead I cleaned the house, ate really unhealthy food that I am most definitely not regretting and watched hour upon hour of Criminal Mind episodes. Granted watching a tv show about people being killed, or kidnapped is probably not the best idea of relaxation most of you have in your mind it really helped to mellow me out.
I was much better today, my mum has returned home, my Great Gran is on observation over the weekend but if she continues to be stable they plan on releasing her Tuesday. What I guess this whole blog post was really about is that at the assembly this morning he said not to keep your emotions boxed in, and while I tend to do this and vent to myself in blog posts that never actually make it to the posting stage I figured for once, I might let one slip through my cracks.