I hate phone calls, I think it’s that simple. I have what everyone has come to call my “phone voice”. It’s apparently different from how I normally talk to people. It goes up a couple octaves and sounds sweet – like I just ate a pixie stick and washed it down with a bottle of honey. And it makes me sound like my mother, it creeps my friends out how not me I sound on the phone.
But my phone voice isn’t the reason I dislike the phone so much – it’s the fact that I don’t like talking on the phone, when people call for my family. Wether it’s my parents work or just a friend of my brothers they always call when I’m near a phone. So I feel obligated to pick up. The conversation usually goes something like this:
Voice: Hello, Lorna? Is John there?
Me: Umm, this is Gabrial, Lorna’s daughter.
Voice: Oh… Alright. Well is John there?
Me: John Junior, or John Senior?
Voice: – Sigh – I don’t know, the younger one?
Me: Oh, he’s not here right now.
Voice: Fine, can you just tell him that his package is in.
Me: Sure no probl— hangs up — em.
Now to most people this wouldn’t be a big deal, but the minute I go and tell a family member someone called, it’s always the same conversation.
Me: Your package is in.
Me: Someone called earlier, said your package was in.
Brother: Was it Erbby? Did Errby call?
Brother: Well did he?
And THAT, right there, that is the problem. I don’t mind talking to people on the phone for a short amount of time, I don’t even mind taking there messages, but they never give me their name, and I’m always left looking like an idiot, so I just say yes.
Me: Yes, it was probably Erbby.
Brother: Alright, I’ll call him back
Except this won’t always work, I’m waiting for the day that somebody finally catches on and tricks me into a large web of lie. I imagine that it will go something like this
Me: Work called, they need you in early.
Sister: Alright no problem, wait, was it Meghan who called?
Me: – pause to think – yes, yes it was Meghan.
Sister: HA! Lies, there is no Meghan at work. I made it up, Why would you lie to me about who called, do you want me to get confused, do you want me to get fired? Well do you?
And it is at this point that my head will explode.